We all celebrated Mother's day on the 9th of May. It is almost a week now. To me everyday is a mother's day. Let me rewind what happened last week in my house. Since May 1st I kept reminding everyone in my house about the mother's day and was asking how each one was going to make me happy on that day. I was hoping that my family would give me a break on that day since it was on a Sunday. I was dreaming that my husband would wake me up with a cup of milk and that my kids would scream in my ears "happy mother's day mama". With my built up dreams I was expecting the day to come.
It was Sunday 7a.m. My alarm woke me up with a big bell. I rubbed my eyes and with much difficulty I opened them. Next to me Ravi was sleeping as if his side of the bed was sound proofed. Not even a single twist or turn. I woke up and brushed my teeth. So with my first dream shattered I went inside my kid's room and woke them up saying "good morning, Who is going to wish mama happy mother's day?" Absolute silence. No noise in the room. They just acknowledged my voice and covered their faces with the blankets. With deep disappointment I went and started my daily routine. In between my work I called up my mom and wished her "happy mother's day." Later everyone got up. My daughter wished me "happy mother's day." My son was too shy to wish me ---for whatever reason. Then my husband wished me and reminded me about our friend's family coming over for lunch. I started my cook's job, then finished up with my cleaning job. In between I had to take care of the kids too. No one even had the slightest idea of helping me. I understood that afterall mother's day was special only to me . For them it was just another day in the calendar. Our friends came for lunch. We all had a good time. Then they left in the evening.
I asked my husband what my mother's day gift was? Many a times I am shameless like this. He directed me to ask my kids, because it was supposed to be given by the children to the mom and not by the husband to the wife. So the slightest chance of getting a gift was ruled out . Later in the night my daughter came up with a bag to me and said happy mother's day once again. Then she gave me the bag. Inside there was a poem written by her and she had made a wonderful wall hanging with pictures of me and her. I was sooooo thrilled to see it. We hugged each other and when I read the poem tears rolled out of my eyes. One of the lines was "I am not ashamed to tell you that I love you." I felt the fulfillment of being a mom that very second. My son who was watching all this got envy. He didn't know how to show his love. He just came and sat near me and was smiling. I asked him what was his gift. He told he had nothing to give. I asked him how he would show that he loved me. "I don't know" was the answer I got back. Shall I call this typical boy gene or dad gene? I told him that he should learn to show me that he loved me. Immediately he asked "mama can you sleep in my room?" ---I guess this is his way of showing his love for me. I was happy to sleep with the kids that day. I reasized that this is what motherhood is all about.
When I was lying down with my kids I was thinking about my mom. The person behind "Me being Me." Have I ever told her that I loved her? I started wishing her for mothers' day only after I my children were born . Till then I didn't realize about the value of motherhood. Even now I wish her but never say "I love you mom." Is it because of shyness or is it because I am reluctant to admit that I love my mom? Is it because it is not taught to us when we are young about how to express our affection to our parents? We do many things for our parents after we grow up but do we ever say "I love you mom or dad?" As we grow older we don't want to show our love outwardly to our parents. When my daughter was till her 3rd grade she used to make so many things for the mother's day . She used to remind me before a week. Now as she is growing I feel the way she shows her affection is becoming less expressive. No more hugs and kisses in the morning. This year it became ten in the night for her to wish me with a card. Though it was late I cherished it . I feel she was bold enough to say that,"she was not ashamed to say that she loved me?" Is admitting your love for your parents something shameful? Why does that kind of a thought pop inside us as we grow older.I am happy that my daughter had realized it at an younger age when compared to me.
When we are young we are not ashamed to ask anybody and everybody "do you love me?" but as we grow older we are ashamed to say "I love you" to our near and dear ones. But the fact is that as you grow, other things in life gain more preference than the Mom. Is it because when our kids are young we demand more love out of them? May be if my mom had asked me," do you love me?" a hundred times as I have done then I would have aslo told her "I love you mom." May be I am more efficient in extracting demanded-love from my children. No matter I demand it or they shower it on me at the end I am privileged than my mom . Another few years then my children will also start doing the same thing as me. Just call and wish me. Unlike me I hope they will admit their love for me once in a while atleast. What is the reason behind our inhibition to show our love as we grow older?
My mom is very strong. Though she knows that she doesn't get back the love she deserves still she never faults in her duty as a mother. I would be torn to pieces if my kids don't admit their love for me.I understood the motherhood of my mom when I became a mom. When ever my girl back-answered me I respected my mom even more inside my heart. Each time my daughter told me "I love you mom", I adored and loved my mom . I appreciated my mom's cooking in my mind when ever my children said "yummy food mama" . When my daughter said "your clothes are not fashionable," I remembered how I have hurt my mom's feelings the same way. I remember my mom everyday when I ask my children to keep themselves clean, when I oil and comb my girl's hair with care, each time I ask my daughter to keep her volume as well as the radio volume low, and when I cut my children's nails every week. In Tamil there is a proverb which means the quality of a saree depends on the thread we use. Like wise the character of a child depends on the character of the mom. I realize my mom's anger when I enter into the kitchen after being out the whole day. I feel my mom's pain when I fall sick and no one bothers to offer me a cup of drink. Till today my mom does whatever She could do for me. What have I done for her in return? All this realization is within my mind and heart. Nothing comes out in words. When will I learn to be expressive?
The extreme happiness I have given in her life is that she has been promoted from mother to Grand Mother. . The word grand decorates her name but I have loaded her with additional responsibilities. I think about her in every walk of my life . I wonder what drives me even now not to express aloud what I feel inside? I take the liberty to chide her, scold her even at this age. I even go the extent of saying that certain things which she does are wrong--forgetting the fact that I am her reflection, forgetting the fact that I am not a perfect mom according to my children too .Though I have scolded my mom I have never told her "I hate you mom or you are mean or you are lame" as my kids tell even for a small disappointment. When I am happy to hear the "I love you" from my children I should be able to accept their "I hate You " phrase also willingly. When they say "I Love you" I feel like I am on top of the sky. When they say "I hate you" I feel like I am in the bottom of the deep ocean. I haven't told my mom neither "I love u nor I hate you". My mom is lucky in that way.
I love my mom from the bottom of my heart but when will the auspicious day come for me to say "I LOVE YOU MOM"? Better late than never.