Friday, April 16, 2010

Is this addiction?

After my constant lamenting about "life is boring" Ravi, my sweet husband told that he will create a blog for me so that I can start blogging. Though I was very much interested in doing it I was skeptical about my writing skills. To start with, he suggested me to write in Tamil. Me being a lazy goose to learn to type in tamil kept postponing(complaining is easier than finding a solution to it). One fine day he created a blog for me called "Open Book" in English. My children were the first one to get excited when they came to know about it. They were relieved that "at last mama will be doing something for herself other than NAGGING us all the time. Now that the first brick was laid I had to think what was I going to write about?

There are thousands of blogs in the internet with all kinds of information. Right from do-it-yourself projects to literature everything is available in the internet. If I have to write, it has to be something different. How is that "different" matter going to be? It should be interesting, informative, and entertaining also . But, am I capable of doing it? The doubt was mountain high. I was contemplating on different topics . Many of my friends suggested me to write on cooking. For this I am not a very good cook. Plus these days we do not have time to cook all the recipes we already know. Being bored of the day to day cooking I wanted to do something different. No matter where ever I go ,what ever I do I didn't want the kitchen to be my "place of worship". Again why jump into the same well? Internet is already like a "sea of recipes". So the topic of cooking was ruled out.

Then how about my nostalgic memories. That will be more like an autobiography(who will want to read my autobiography--me not having achieved even 5% of what Gandhi or Abdul kalam did--look at my level of comparison--too ambitious right?). I have heard my friend say that her sister has a blog where she writes about her childhood days--about the sweet nothings mostly. She shares it with her friends, who enjoy with her. If I have to do this then I need all my childhood friends to read my blog to enjoy with me, because only they can associate with my writings. Unfortunately none of my school friends (except for one )find the computer user-friendly?? So the second option also was ruled out. Being ambitious , I wanted to reach out to a wider world . My writings should be of some use and be meaningful to someone at least . I know I am not going to make a great difference through my writings in others' life but at least one or two might be impressed.

We all like to look back into our past . When we were in that past, we would not have cherished it but at present we want to associate the past with all sweetness in our life. Does this mean present is always loaded with worries? We value a thing once it is gone out of our hands. Just like distance helps us maintain any relationship. Even if I write about a small incident in the past it should be of some value when I share it with others I felt. At last I decided I would write about anything that could help to improve human relationships. Even before starting to write I decided how often I should write. I started imagining myself as an upcoming writer. The more I imagined the more I started gaining self-confidence and self -dignity I would say. Something different from being a 24/7 home-maker. Thank God the usage of housewife is outdated.

As a test post I wrote my first article and sent it as a mail to two of my close friends for perusal and approval. Wow! because I am their best friend they both gave me approval to publish it in facebook. I did not use any force--believe me, other than constantly nagging them to read my mail and send their comments. Still I do it. They both are my first readers(voluntarily or involuntarily-- no other go for them though) .Out of sheer love for me they do it(assuming so). This is the kind of liberty you can take with friends.

I started off with my postings in face book first. After posting my first post I was so restless . I was fishing for readers literally--- Waited for comments to be posted. Just like after posting some photos on FB you wait for your friends' comments. I made sure that whomever I knew was told about my blog(shameless propaganda I know--but no other go). I even forced a few of my close friends to read it so that in future when I happen to become famous(if at all I become one) then they can tell that I am their friend(ha ha ha--was the reaction from all though) .

My husband was very happy about my blogging because my nagging became less, at least by 50%. Whether he liked my postings or not he pretended to like them. He knew that if he stopped encouraging me then he will be my target .I did get a good response from few of my friends for my post. In my initial enthusiasm I thought that I would post something once in three days. But then when I thought about it I decided not to spoil my reputation by bothering my few friendly readers often. So I started posting once in a week. I chose Friday so that my readers can find time during the weekend to read.( no time cannot be the excuse--am I not well planned? After posting my article??? on Fridays , I started getting up early on Saturdays to check whether anyone has read and posted any comments. In my over excitement I even checked my mails once in an hour hoping that someone would have read it and commented on it.(it took me some time to realize and accept that other than me all others were busy ). Seeing me checking my mails often my son started checking his mails(he doesn't mind going through the same old mails). May be he wanted to compete with me. Initially when I did not get the expected response I was feeling kind of demotivated. But then later I started taking it sportively. I am happy when even one or two read and send in their comments.

When I think about my sportiveness it leads me to various probabilities. Why did I start blogging? Is it to write something productive or creative? Does it make any difference to anyone after reading my blogs? Am I writing just to satisfy myself? Is it because I am seeking for attention or recognition or acceptance??Is this just to call myself "TRENDY"?( I know my age will surely disapprove this even before my teenage daughter says anything).Is it to kill my time so that idle mind won't become a devil's workshop? Is it to keep me off from unwanted worries? Am I sharing my thoughts with others to gain acknowledgement ? All these questions crop in my head often. Though not like Shakespeare or Milton I feel I should write with some moral responsibility.(again over ambitious or over confidence --your choice).Sometimes I doubt whether even anyone reads them?

If we start talking we need listeners . We need at least two people to continue a conversation . If we talk all alone then we may get special names?? unless you talk on the cell phone with a blue tooth attached to your ears. Initially I have misunderstood it to be hearing aid. I used to think "Why does so many people use hearing aids these days?"(keep this as a secret).This is my world of knowledge about telecommunications though my husband works in that field. But when you write you always feel that someone will read it--theory of optimism speaks here.. Even otherwise, it is like a vent to all my piled up emotions or thoughts or whatever you may name it.

After posting one article I keep thinking what is going to be my next topic ? I am flooded with limitless thoughts but my poor readers wont have the time to read them if I try to put them all in words. I would like to spare them the torture. Like many of the current civilization who are addicted to cell phones may be I am starting to get addicted to blogging. I feel at one shot I am able to reach out to all my friends and share with them my thoughts and feelings.But in what way is it going to matter to them ? When I go to bed I keep thinking what to write and how to write. So many ideas line up. But in the morning when I wake up my mind is a clean slate--all wiped off or short term memory loss.

Writing is not as easy I thought it would be. To write a meaningful article it takes at least three hours. Putting the points together, and writing in order, editing, proof reading, spelling check(thanks to the computer which does this job perfectly) etc. It has to go through so many stages. In between, I have to put up with my children's tantrums and needs. So I chose to write in the night when everyone goes to sleep. You might think why not write during the day after the kids are gone to school but day time my mind is only tuned for household chores.

One positive aspect about writing is,since I started blogging there is less argument in my house (this is how our fights or to name it very decently --our difference of opinions are termed in front of our kids) because we are busy in our own ways. Less time to poke my nose into his routine. I feel I too can do something useful. Every Friday night I feel I have a commitment to accomplish (committed to my imaginary fan club).I gave up my Friday movie time for this . I started sharing whatever impressed me or affected me. I feel good when I post an article. Some self-respect for myself. This is how my path to blogging began. These days with so many psychological terms referring to cell phone addiction, computer addiction, sms syndrome, etc. hope I don't come into the category of addiction. The latest trend is when something is done as a routine there are new names to call it as some kind of disorder. My habit I guess is with a purpose--(a drunkard never accepts he is a drunkard). Don't you agree that I need not call this attempt as addiction?

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